


Tragic Backstories and the History of Toxic Friendships

by dearzoemurphy



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e07 Bondage and Beta Male Sexuality, Gen, alternate title: the most blatant example of me projecting onto britta yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27144859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearzoemurphy/pseuds/dearzoemurphy
Summary: “So…what happened with Mike?” Jeff said, shifting his position slightly to more directly face Britta, “if you don’t mind me asking.”“I don’t mind,” Britta said, though it seemed as if some part of her might.A rewrite of s05e07: Bondage and Beta Male Sexuality where Jeff is the one to comfort Britta.
Relationships: Britta Perry & Jeff Winger
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	Tragic Backstories and the History of Toxic Friendships

**Author's Note:**

> this is way angstier than my usual stuff and is more of a look into Britta's past (admittedly based on a lot of my own issues), so just a heads up for anyone that usually comes to me for fluff and fun! nevertheless, I hope those of you who are still interested enjoy <3

“Hey.”

Without looking up, Britta knew who was standing behind her. She took a deep, shaky breath and covertly dabbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater before responding.

“Hey.”

Jeff took a seat next to her on the bench. Britta had run out of the bar in a hurry, giving him and Duncan no explanation. Though the British professor had wanted to chase after her, Jeff insisted that he needed to be the one to do it, the concern on his face proving to Duncan that he had no ulterior motives.

“You disappeared on us, we were worried about you,” Jeff said. He was attempting to keep things casual, leaning back onto the bench and propping one arm up behind Britta.

“Yeah. Sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you guys,” Britta said softly. Each word was a struggle, every syllable heavy on her tongue.

“You don’t have to apologize. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. I thought that things were going well with your old friends. Especially that Mike guy,” he said, taking on a quizzical tone.

Britta looked down at the ground and started fidgeting with the cuff of her sweater. “They weren’t really…my friends. And especially not him.”

Jeff gave her an inquisitive look. “They weren’t your friends? But they knew you, and Mike gave that speech about you!”

“I know, I know,” she said, taking another deep and shaky breath, “We _were_ friends. A long, long time ago. And I...kind of had a falling out with Mike. ”

“Ah. I didn’t know that he was part of your tragic backstory,” Jeff said, making an attempt at humor.

Britta gave a small nose snort, more out of politeness than any actual amusement. “Everything from my past is part of my tragic backstory. You should know that better than anyone.”

“I do know. It’s why we get along so well.”

She looked up for the first time since Jeff had sat down next to her and smiled weakly, him flashing a small smile back despite the fact that his expression was still lined with concern.

“So…what happened with Mike?” Jeff said, shifting his position slightly to more directly face Britta, “if you don’t mind me asking.”

“I don’t mind,” Britta said, though it seemed as if some part of her might, “I met Mike in high school, but we didn’t become friends until after I dropped out. He skipped going to college and joined the same group of travelling anarchists that I did. I was kind of like his mentor, in a way? That’s why he said that he had the ‘honor of imitating me’ or whatever.”

She flitted her gaze upwards to see if Jeff was paying attention. He appeared to be fully engaged in her story, prompting her to continue by nodding encouragingly.

“I taught him everything about vandalizing billboards and organizing protests and raising bail money for whenever we inevitably got arrested. And it was hard to make and keep friends while living that lifestyle, but we were friends. We were friends, and…I don’t know, Jeff. There was something special about teaching someone everything there was to know about something and watching them grow because of it. I loved that. And I loved him,” Britta continued.

“Oh?” Jeff said in a suggestive tone.

She rolled her eyes. “Not like that. Like a best friend. Like I love you,” Britta said, elbowing him in the side, “and the rest of the study group. But it was a slightly different kind of love, since being his mentor made me think of him more like a younger brother.”

Jeff nodded. “I get it. It’s like me and the junior partners back at the law firm. Teaching them how to do something that I was so good at made me feel…valuable.”

“Exactly. The thing was, my group didn’t like Mike much at first. So I had to convince them all to give him a chance. I put my reputation on the line just _begging_ them to let him travel with us. They thought that he was going to rat us out for some of our more…questionable activities. But I convinced them that if they got the chance to know him, they could see how cool he was and how good at everything he was. I mean, he could climb up a billboard in less than a minute! And pass out a stack of flyers in fifteen!”

“So he didn’t live up to those expectations?” Jeff asked, thinking that he could see where her story was going.

“No,” Britta said softly. She looked up to the sky, noticing an unusual number of stars, “He exceeded them. The group was happy that I had been right, he was happy that the rest of them were starting to become his friends, and I was happy that things were working out so well.”

Jeff adjusted how his arm was draped over the back of the bench, moving it to place a hand on Britta’s shoulder. “So what happened, then?”

She sighed. “Eventually, he got tired of living in my shadow. That’s what he told me, anyway, despite the fact that he was being recognized for what he was doing on his own! We had a big fight where he got mad and said that he was tired of being known as my protege, and that I wasn’t as great as I thought I was. He told me that he didn’t want to be around me anymore, because I had _changed_. I still don’t know what he meant by that,” Britta said, gripping the edge of the bench so tightly that Jeff thought it might snap, “He demanded that I start letting him take the lead on more projects, even though we didn’t have a leader, because that’s the whole point of anarchy! When I didn’t immediately promise him what he wanted, he went behind my back and told the others that they could keep either him or me. And…they chose him.”

“They kicked you out?” Jeff asked incredulously.

Keeping her gaze locked firmly on the night sky, Britta bit her lip and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, they liked him more at that point. I guess the little things that I had done to piss people off over the years added up, and I wasn’t worth keeping around anymore,” she said, her voice cracking a little with each syllable.

Instinctively, Jeff moved his right arm to wrap around Britta’s shoulders and pull her in close. She returned the embrace, throwing her arms around his waist and pressing her head into his chest.

“Do you want to know the worst part?” Britta squeaked. She didn’t wait for a response before continuing.

“Every time we ran into each other afterwards, Mike pretended like nothing happened. He would act like he was happy to see me. We would have a perfectly normal conversation. He would smile the same, and always ask me how all of my cats were doing. It’s like he _knew_ just how much it killed me.”

“Oh, Britta. I’m sorry.”

She sniffled. “As time went on and more people left that anarchist group, I kept hearing from them more and more of the awful things he’d said about me. Things that he’d said while we were still friends,” Britta said, pausing to wipe away a tear, “and they were really awful, Jeff. When you guys say I’m the worst, at least I’m pretty sure that you love me. He didn’t just say that I was the worst. He specified _why_ I was the worst.”

“Wait, you’re _pretty sure_ that we love you?! Britta, of course we love you,” Jeff exclaimed. He angled his head down so that he could see her face, despite her best efforts to bury it into his plaid button-up.

“I know. I know you do. But people like Mike…they put this little voice in your head. And it’s this voice that always tells you that you’re not enough and that everyone secretly hates you and that all of your friends would stab you in the back if given the chance. Because in that case, it was true,” Britta said. Her voice was barely above a whisper by the end as she clutched at Jeff’s shirt, almost as if she was trying to tether herself to him.

“I know something about that voice,” Jeff said, his tone that implying he knew more than just _something_ about it, “but I hope that the group can be your exception. We’re going on five years of sticking by each other, aren’t we? You don’t have to worry about Mike and them anymore. Screw them. You’ve got people now who wouldn’t even _think_ of hurting you in the way that he did.”

Britta tried to covertly exhale, but it came out more like a sob. “I know. I just…seeing them tonight…I don’t know. I thought things would be different. I thought enough time apart would have really made him realize that he missed me. Or at least made him realize that what he did to me was _wrong_. I almost hoped that he’d paid for it, in some way,” she paused, “But I also hoped that he was okay. And that maybe, he would want me back in his life.”

“Even after all of that?”

“I don’t know. It’s hard to stop loving someone, even after all this time, and after everything that he did to me. It’s hard not to think about us being 19 and him looking up to me, you know?”

It was Jeff’s turn to take a deep breath. “I know. And that’s okay. If you need to keep talking through this, or if you just want to cry, or whatever, I hope you know that I’ll be here for you,” he said, sitting up straight again and wrapping his free arm around Britta. After a moment, he moved to stroke her hair, Britta initially bristling slightly at the touch before relaxing back into him.

“I hope you know that I’m impressed that you offered to let me just cry,” Britta said, a hint of laughter in her voice, “I didn’t know that you had unlocked the emotional capability for that.”

“I myself might not be able to cry yet, but I can be here for my friends who do,” Jeff replied in an equally jovial tone.

Britta sat up and stared him dead in the eye for a moment. “That is such a lie, I’ve totally seen you cry on more than one occasion!”

Jeff shrugged. “Can’t prove it. There’s no hard evidence.”

Britta sighed and decided to settle back into the embrace. “Whatever. Part of me can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m really glad you’re here,” she said, nuzzling her head against his chest again.

Jeff smiled, looking fondly down at his friend and pulling her just the slightest bit closer to him. “I’m glad that I’m here, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> as always, please leave any thoughts/opinions/etc. that you may have down below! this was very much a vent fic, but I thought that maybe some others who relate to Britta may like to read. I hope you all are doing well and have a good morning/afternoon/night!! <3


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